Monday, April 4, 2011

Why it sucks to lose

... or as Stephanie Thrasher would say, "It sucks to suck."

I guess I got my first big dose of failing today. I'm not one to talk about feelings, but I think getting this out in the open will help.


Ok, that didn't hurt so bad. No ... it still does, but at least it feels good to say it.

I have been applying for Teach for America for well over two months now. I passed three rounds of interviews and faced hours of interrogation from yuppy-ass Yale graduates about my thoughts on "educational inequality." I'm pretty sure no one who went to Yale knows where Thorndike, Maine is or went to school in trailers, but that's besides the point. (I'm still a little bitter. Ok, a lot bitter.)

The real story here though, is the fact that I've waited a whole month to hear back about my in-person interview that took me two previous interviews to get to. Today, I got the fated, "We're so glad you applied to Teach for America BUT ..." letter.

I've been trying to not get so worked up about this program. I knew it was really competitive to begin with. I knew my chances were low and I didn't want to get upset if I didn't get it. Well, I didn't get it and I'm upset.

I guess there is a laundry list of reasons I'm sad I didn't get the job:

1. I really wanted it.
2. I don't have a back-up plan.
3. I thought I nailed my in-person interview.
4. I jumped through so many hoops to get to the final stage only to get a rejection letter.
5. I really wanted it.
6. I don't have a back-up plan.

In reality though, all those things can be wrapped up in to one big reason why it stings. This is my first bout with rejection. I've never had or applied for a "real" job where I eagerly waited a reply. I got into all the colleges I applied to. I even had a status lined-up on Facebook if I got an acceptance letter. As far as aspirations go, I've never had my little dreams tromped on until now.

I know it's not the end of the world. I know there are lots of other things I can do now. I know when I have to tell all kinds of people I failed, they'll still like me. I know I'm a big girl, and should grow up.

I know all these things, but it still sucks. At least the anticipation of hearing back is over.

I won't end this sad self-indulgent blog like that though. Life will move on. Opportunities will arise. New things can grow from here. It's not the end of the world.


  1. You are so great, Rhiannon. Big things to come for you!

  2. Please don't ever equate disappointment to failure. You did everything correctly. You saw something you wanted and you went for it with everything you had in your arsenal. That is not failing.

    If anything, those (as you so aptly put it)Yuppie Ass Yalies failed. They failed to comprehend what an asset you would be to their organization. They failed to understand how your experiences would enhance their program. They failed to see beyond their comfortable check boxes and criteria lists. Their failure is your opportunity.

    Back up plans, eh, who needs them? While it stings a bit now, it inevitably happened for a reason. How exciting to have a clear, unencumbered path open to you! Who knows where it will lead – certainly not to failure.

  3. rhiannon, rhiannon, rhiannon. teach for america is a terrible program. they take bright young kids and throw them into the shittiest schools in the country with little to no training for a two year stint. graduates are so exhausted that the last thing they ever want to do again is teach. if you want to make a difference, slog it out with real teachers and real training for more than a pansy ass program that touts equality and idealism as reality and yet perpetrates inequality all across the board. tfa offers virtually no support for its members, and corps members often get little support from faculty co workers. if you want to be a teacher, be a teacher! call me soon, we'll talk it over. i have some thoughts.